


Hero's Solace

by daniko



Series: HP/SS: Wartime [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, M/M, Missing Scene, Pre-Slash, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-13
Updated: 2014-11-13
Packaged: 2018-02-24 00:53:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2562080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daniko/pseuds/daniko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the extenuating Battle of Hogwarts, Harry returns to the Shrieking Shack to retrieve Snape's dead body.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hero's Solace

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for a quill_it challenge and one of the few to escape tHE pURGE 2014 - meaning the fic deleting spree I just went through. I am unstable. (At this point, all the deleted fic is either on my computer, Fanfic.net or AO3. What do you mean, I'm not crazy! /is shifty/)
> 
> Prompt Table 50.1, Prompt 42 - Hero.

Harry Potter didn't bother explaining, even though both Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey had been throwing him increasingly worried looks as they crawled through the tunnel that led to the Shrieking Shack. Ron and Hermione followed behind them, both looking weary and dirty, but adamant about accompanying Harry in this final task. Unlike Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey, Harry paid little attention to the surroundings, his gaze intently focused on the opening further down the path.

There was a debt he was yet to pay and Harry was determined to see it through. One owed to Severus Snape.

_"Mr. Potter."_

Finally, they reached the end of the passage. Harry got into the chamber first and helped the two elder witches up. The house looked even more sinister than usual, dark and damp from the earlier rain. It was almost as if the stench of the Dark magic could be felt in the air. The thought didn't do anything good to the Harry's already grim mood. He guided his friends through dust and blood, into the room where Snape was lying cold and dead.

_"I have been reluctant in sending this missive to you, but I find myself unable to achieve a so desired state of serenity, knowing that you foolish Gryffindor will likely blame yourself at the end, for matters that are far beyond your control. I ought to just ignore this feeling, as I would if I were in my right mind, but I shall allow myself a moment of weakness in a time so near death._

_"At the point when you receive this – if you ever do – all the cards would have been dealt, all of us would have done what was required and victory would have been ours. Today I have, as I have seldom experienced, hope for this outcome. It will have to suffice."_

"Oh my―," McGonagall breathed in shock.

Harry shot her a hard look, while Madam Pomfrey rushed forward to assess the situation. "Even a traitor must to be buried." After a moment, he added, "But Snape was not a traitor." McGonagall looked sharply at him. "He was ours to the . . . very end." Both McGonagall and Pomfrey seemed to be questioning Harry's sanity. He could understand why. Ever since they'd met him, Harry had been a devout speaker in favour of Snape's lack of character. Well, now he was saying the opposite. Maybe this time they'd believe him. "Snape died so I could do what I did. He's a hero that―."

"He's alive," Madam Pomfrey interrupted.

"That's not possible," Harry said, "I saw him dying. The light just went off." 

McGonagall seemed to have reached her limit of bizarreness, because she stared uncomprehending between Pomfrey and Harry. She looked old.

Madam Pomfrey nodded in acknowledgement at Harry's words, but added, "Well, he's alive now." Harry saw her bit her lip and look at Snape with a pained expression. "I have to wake him up." Everyone made different noises of protest. Madam Pomfrey grimaced apologetically. "I need to attest the extent of the damage. There might not be anyone here left to heal."

"But he'll be in so much pain," Hermione whispered. She and Ron were tightly wrapped around each other.

"He'll bear with it," said McGonagall firmly. For the first time, Harry realised that Snape's betrayal had not been only of Dumbledore.

_"I should also say, however it might be received: I regret that you had to deal with so many trials at such a young age, although I do not think we could be successful had the events occurred in any other way. For the part I played in your burdens, I do not apologise, as I can offer no excuse. I am not a good man. I lash out and I hurt when I know it is wrong. I am what I am._

_"And thus I remind you, my choices were my choices. Do not try and take them away from me, because I bear their weight proudly, if not with pride. I am what I am. Do not make a martyr out of me. I'm afraid that role falls solely to you. I know of no one else who has stared tragedy in the eye and come through on the other side unscathed."_

Almost as if he had been electrocuted, Snape's upper body rose tauntly from the floor and his dreadful cry of pain echoed in the room. When his strength left him, Snape fell backwards with a loud noise and Harry could see his small beetle eyes scanning the surroundings urgently. His face was ghastly as he took deep breaths, clawing at the floor beneath him as if he needed to hold onto something, but there was nothing else available. Harry thought it was a sad sight. Darting forward, he closed his hand around Snape's arm. 

_"I'm afraid the future does not reserve me much, so I am to be left without punishment. I will take the cowardly way out, but then I am a coward. I will accept death's restful embrace. If you need to see me punished - and if I were you I would demand it - let me die a Death Eater's death. You will agree that a traitor is no better than a Death Eater, so let it be repayment for all whom I have betrayed: you, Albus, Minerva, your mother, my own, Hogwarts. I hope that settles the score between us._

_"I am what I am, but, here at the end, I find myself sorry I could not be better. I hope you understand that is why I'm writing to you, who is."_

"Professor?" Harry called. He couldn't remember of a time when he willingly addressed Snape with respect.

When Harry called him, Snape seemed to shook himself out of his panic. "Potter, you blithering fool!" His hand caught Harry's and held on painfully. "You need to get out of here!" he snapped angrily, voice a rough whisper. Blood was pooling in the bandage Madam Pomfrey was pressing against the wound on his neck and, before Harry could reply, Snape's whole body spasmed and he clawed at Harry's hand, groaning in desperation.

Harry's chest felt tight. "It's okay, Professor. Voldemort's gone." Snape groaned again, eyes rolling closed. "Are you in much pain?" Of course he was, but Harry wanted to hear proof that Snape was alive, that Harry had  _not_  failed - at least not him.

_"I daresay that you might feel somewhat lost after everything. (Are you even alive?) I think I can understand how frightening freedom can be, especially for someone such as yourself, whose actions always held the faith of so many. For me, it was the fact that I didn't make very good decisions, when I was making them by myself. After that, I welcomed Albus Dumbledore's guidance._

_"Do not fear your freedom. Embrace it. Do it for those of us who, after the war, will not be able to do so._

_"(In fact, I will add another piece of advice, however futile it may be. If, by the time this letter finds you, you have already been privy to what Albus expected of you, remember that you owe nothing to anyone. If you find in your heart that you do not wish to make the ultime sacrifice, get Granger and Weasley and vanish. I know you can, even I had trouble finding you three. Just let this damned world take care of itself.)_

_"At last, I will add this: writing this letter, at unspeakable morning hours, I think I can see why Albus tried to protect your innocence for so long and almost at cost of our victory. I think Albus believed that, if you could be spared the touch of Darkness, we would not have failed. Albus should have had faith. You have been touched by the Dark Lord himself and yet you remained immaculate._

_"It is perhaps the true reason why I am writing. This letter is nothing but a dying man's foolish attempt at atonement."_

"The Dark Lord will be back," Snape insisted, boring his dark gaze right into Harry.

"No, he won't. Voldemort's gone. I killed him."

A horrible gurgling sound came from Snape's throat and his hand tightened around Harry's.

"Mr. Potter, this is cruel," Madam Pomfrey said, reaching forward to try and pry Snape away from Harry.

Snape's attention was suddenly on her. " _Don't_  touch him!"

Finally Harry reacted and clutched Snape's hand on his other one. "I'm here, Professor, it's okay," he said and squeezed Snape's hand reassuringly.

"You can't be!" Snape insisted. Harry feared that he was making himself worse, so he tried to tell Snape he needed medical attention, but Snape cut him off, "If the Dark Lord's dead, so are you." He clawed at Harry's hands in anguish. " 'One cannot live while the other survives.' And none of us can while _he_ does!"

"Professor! I am not dead, I promise!"

It was several painful minutes until Snape finally returned his gaze to Harry, but something was off. Snape's eyes were drifting close and his pallor was becoming greyish. Cursing under her breath, Madam Pomfrey shoved a potion into his mouth and, instantly, Snape looked better. He looked at Harry tiredly, his head fell backwars. Without thinking, Harry pulled his hand from Snape's arm and put his arm around Snape's shoulders, cradling his head gently. Snape breath stuttered, as he leaned into the warmth. "Harry. You're alive."

_"I fiercely hope you survive.That would be the true victory."_

Harry inhaled sharply at hearing his name spoken in such a longing tone.

Snape relaxed againt him suddenly and Harry realised he was unconscious. Gently, Madam Pomfrey pried Harry's hands off Snape. She proceeded to make sure that it was safe to move him. Ron and Hermione were pale and looking at Harry with concern, but Harry waved them off with a smile. Finally, Madam Pomfrey Levitated the senseless teacher and gestured for them to show her the way out.

As they headed out, something fell from Snape's pocket.

Harry saw the letter fall and float into the ground. It had his name written on the envelope. Not knowing what to think of it, Harry picked it up and shoved the piece of parchment in his pocket, planning on reading it as soon as Snape was secure in the Infirmary.

As he followed his companions into the tunnel, Harry realised that this was the second time Snape travelled through this particular tunnel unconscious. He risked a peek at his friends and, by the look on Ron and Hermione's faces - amused and contrite, respectively - Harry knew they were remembering the same thing. "At least this time it wasn't Hermione who Stunned him," Ron offered, noticing Harry's look. The three of them laughed, wearily and a bit hysterically.

McGonagall shot them a reproaching look, but Harry just grinned. Happiness would come soon enough and the nightmares had to end some day, right? Harry's thoughts prompted him to move forward and slid his hand into Snape's cold one, which was covered in blood and dirt, but it warmed Harry nonetheless.

_"I will not send this letter to you, will I? This letter would uncover my ultimate sin._

_"I might as well say it: I wish I could look at you - young, brave and beautiful - and not choke on my own longing. I wish I had courage, just once before the end. I do not. The prospect of your derision is. Unbearable. Unspeakable. How pathetic. Always unrequited, always coveting the forbidden fruit. Always."_

Harry found a little spot of jubilation in his chest that seemed to grow gradually. Was it because he had died? Or was it because he had always wanted to believe Snape was on their side? The group shot Harry an odd look, but nobody said a word about it. Harry had done what was expected of him. The least they could do was allow him the freedom of his choices from here on. And if Harry's choice was to forgive, well. None of them could say that hadn't seen it coming. Kindred souls know each other. Always.

_"Yours sincerely,_

_Severus Snape."_

**Author's Note:**

> The original disclaimer:
> 
> This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
> 
> So cute, for younger!us to think anyone cared. :')
> 
> Also, hit me up on [Tumblr](http://www.daniskatra.tumblr.com), if you want. <3


End file.
